


Broken

by Graveyard_01



Category: unOrdinary (Webcomic)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:27:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26815837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Graveyard_01/pseuds/Graveyard_01
Summary: What if Sera's confrontation of John goes differently.Trigger warning: A downward spiral, where things get worse before they get better.
Relationships: Blyke & Remi (unOrdinary), Isen & Remi (unOrdinary), John Doe & Seraphina (unOrdinary)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 79





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Shatter](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21597886) by [Ausp_ice](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ausp_ice/pseuds/Ausp_ice). 



_‘_ Why?’ _he asked himself, ‘_ why does it always end up like this’

_unOrdinary, episode 174, John Doe._

* * *

“You’re a monster”

It was as if a bucket of iced water had been throw as his face, jolging John back to his senses. He suddenly realized just what he was about to do. A crying Sera pinned to the wall, his fists raised up as if to strike her. He let go of her, falling to the ground, the incident going through his mind again and again.

‘No no no no no…” he desperately muttered. Hoped it was just a nightmare, and that if he concentrated enough he would awake.

He had raised his hands on her. Sera. _Her_. He tried to get up, only for his feet to lose all power, causing him to fall on the ground again. The world was shaking, going up and down in strange boat like motions. He couldn’t looks at her shocked face, couldn’t meet her betrayed eyes.

“No no no No No N **O NO _NO_** _!_ ” he franaticly muttered, getting up with the support of the wall. He stole a glance at her, tears trailing down her checks. An unreadable expression haunted her gaze. It hurt, knowing he was the cause of this.

So he ran. Ran to his dorm room and locked himself in.

* * *

It was hard to get out of his bed, even though John didn’t get a wink of sleep the whole night. He didn’t even change out of his school cloths. The entire incident kept playing over and over in his mind. _‘Don’t touch me’_ her voice rang in his head. It was all for her. He did everything… for her. But it didn’t matter. She hated him now. Hated his lies and deceit. Hated his secrets. ‘You’re a monster’ the ever lurking darkness whispered.

He did it again. Let his powers get to his head. And ruined it all. _‘It was Arlo’s fault’_ a small part of him whispered, but to tell the truth, it wasn’t. He escalated. He dragged on the fight long after Arlo had been defeated. He had achieved his goal. Torn down the Hierarchy. But at what cost.

“ **Monster** ” the word flashed in his head. Faces flashed in fount of his eyes. Adrion. _Claire_. **_Seraphina_**. Voices and faces overlapping until it was too much for him.

John just forced his eyes close, tried to get any, _any_ semblance of control over his emotion. But… in the end, did it even matter? It wasn’t like it would change anything. Everything felt hallow now. Empty, yet heavy. He opening his eyes, looking at the celling. Colourless. The world was colourless now.

He didn’t know how long he lied there. Unmoving on his bed, his eyes blankly staring into nothingness. His mind going all around in meaningless tangent, only to bounce back those moments. Only, when he had enough strength to get up, the sun had started to set. _‘I missed school’_ a voice in his mind whispered. A tiny fragment trying its best to pretend everything was alright. He dragged himself up, and went towards the kitchen.

He had some leftover from last night, some pasta whose name he couldn’t be bothered to remember. He put the container into the microwave and set the time for around six or seven minutes. John wasn’t quite sure. He then turned it on, looking at the slow spin and listening to the gentle humming of the machine. It was just him, his food, and the microwave. “ _Monster_ ” whispered the insidious voice in his head. The world was spinning. He felt dizzy. His throat burned. Tears glittered down his face.

The beeping of the microwave bought him back to reality. He reaching to open it when he noticed his hand were shaking. John tried to force himself to calm down, but that only made the tremors worse. He finally broke down, curling up and crying. _‘Swelling in self-pity’_ whispered that traitorous voices, _‘you don’t even accept you were wrong’_

By the time he had gotten to his senses, his meal was cold again. He didn’t bother heating it up again. Nor did he take a plate, eating directly out of it. It was hard to chew, and even harder to swallow it. Bile threatened to come up his throat. He forced himself to eat a little, even if he had no appetite. His though were starting to drift again in the silence. _‘Don’t touch me’_ the anger, the hatred on her face. **“Monster”** that voice added before he pushed it into the back of his head.

He emptied the pasta into a trashcan, then rinsed the container before leaving it in the sink. John then turned and went straight towards his bedroom.

_‘Monster…’_ the voice still haunted him.

* * *

He woke up before his alarm. He still waited for it to go off before getting out of bed. The world felt sluggish. Like as if he were swimming against a fast flowing river, fighting the current to breath.

He skipped his morning run, just getting ready as fast as he could. He was already out of his dorm, hair gel and all, even before Blyke was up. He then made some pancakes before deciding put them in a lunch box. He was hungry, but… he wasn’t. It was too tiring to think about it.

* * *

“Look, it’s him…” a voice whispered out of the crowd forming around him. “Do you really think he’s the joker?” someone else questioned.

He tried to tune out the half whispers and accusation. He didn’t who leaked out his identity, but neither did he really care. _‘What was the point of it all, anyway?’_ a voice asked him. He lowered his head, his nails digging into his hand hard enough that his palms had started to bleed. John further lowered his head, as if to hide away.

But he couldn’t.

Because he won.

And so he lost.

_“You’re a **Monster** ”_

“Hey Johnny” a somewhat familiar voice brought him out of going on another tangent. “It’s been a while, huh? Remember me?” the annoyingly smug voice continued.

John looked up and saw Zeke, and two other boys whose names he couldn’t recall.

“Soo, Johnny boy… I heard some rumours that you where Joker” Zeke waved his hand as if to give a dismissal. “Just wanted to prove to everyone around us that you indeed aren’t and that there’s absolutely nothing to be afraid of!”

He looked around. People watching him with various degrees of disgust, hatred or pity. It doesn’t matter. It never did. Not matter what he did. No matter what he said. It always came back to this. Even with his identity out. People still treated him the same. ‘ _It was Arlo’s fault_ ’ a sweet voice whispered, and it was so easy to believe in it, but he pushed it away. It was all his fault, pushing the blame to others would just be lying to himself now.

‘ ** _Monster_** ’

Zeke charged in, throwing all his momentum into the hit. John could have copied his power. Could have fought back. Maybe even tripped him. But, in the end, it wasn’t like it would make any difference.

“ ** _MONSTER_** ”

So he just gave up.

The first hit broke few of his ribs and launched him high into the air. The second hit broke his right arm, the third his right leg. The forth hit broke his jaw and launched him into the air. He was unconscious before he even hit the ground.

No more fighting back.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uru.chan owns unOrdinary  
> Also, its harder than expected to depict relationship obsessive–compulsive disorder without making it look forced.

“So John, what did you do this time?” Asked Docter Darren, “Do you realise how much time is have to spend here because of you?” he further added.

“SOME OF THESE DAYS YOU ARE GOING TO GET HURT BEYOND MY CAPACITY TO HEAL!” he shouted at John, only to notice him starting blackly at the ceiling. Confused, he waved his hand across John’s face only to observe no reaction. Slowly, fear started to gip his heart.

“John? John!?” he tried again, concern bleeding into his voice as he tried to shake John to his senses. “Oh, sorry Doc, where you saying something?” John asked, as if woken from a daze.

* * *

The world was hazy. Colours dull. Voices muddled. John slowly walked into his English Literature class. The whispered followed him, binding him, chaining him down. It was getting harder to walk under their weight. No matter where he was, no matter what he did, they always followed him. People were still discussing where or not he was the Joker. John really wanted to tell them to shut up. To scream at them to be quite, but he didn’t have the energy.

He felt someone sit on the chair beside him. A flash of magenta hair. John didn’t look beside him, but he could feel Sera staring at him. Judging him. Scrutinizing his every action.

He didn’t dare show her his face. He had nothing to say. He messed up, he ruined it all. It was all his fault. He lied to her, and was paying the price.

Scolding himself, he went back to trying to pay attention to the teacher. The class went on both too slow and too fast. It was hard to keep still during the lesion. People were still whispering about him. He kept twitching nervously, clicking his pen’s cap (until a student called him out) and then settling to just tapping his feet. It was hard, to pay attention when she was just there, a glance away. And if he just closed his eyes, he could almost imagine Sera cracking jokes with him.

When the class finally ended, John ran straight towards the roof, forgetting his books and homework in the process.

* * *

John was doing his level best to act like Arlo didn’t exist, which wasn’t helped with the glare he was getting. The impulse to strangle him was getting harder to ignore with every passing second. John took a deep breath and pushed the voices down. He sitting where he used to sit with _her_.

After a few minutes of silence, Arlo finally asked his question, “Why didn’t you fight back?”

"..."

"..."

"..."

John thought about his answer. Why didn’t he fight back, when it would have been so easy, so quick to defeat Zeke? No one would have ever troubled him again if he had just retaliated. The fear of the Joker would have prevented it. The truth was... he was still living it the past. In an illusion of what life used to be. And he wanted the dream to last longer. To pretend that life could go back to what it used to be.

He looked Arlo straight in the eyes and contemplated his response. 

“I… want… no… I need you to defeat me” he spoke. His hands where shaking, so he put them in his pockets.

Arlo was silent for almost a minute, judging John’s words. Waiting for him to elaborate. Or he was surprised by the response. John was having trouble reading him. It was happening a lot today. It was getting harder to read people.

“I… look, it doesn’t matter. Just give me a time and a place and I will make it look good” John pleaded, “I just… can’t…” he was losing words.

“Next week, after school, same place” Arlo finally responded. He sounded uncertain, but John couldn’t be too sure. Oh how he wanted to hurt Arlo, how he wanted to scream that it was all Arlo’s fault. But it wasn’t, he lost control, he relapsed. He couldn’t blame others for his actions.

“ ** _Monster_** ”

Arlo walked away, leaving John alone with his thoughts.

* * *

He was sent to the Doc’s three more times before the school ended, people wanting to see if John really was the Joker. All the while Doc was acting weirdly, giving him strange looks. He didn't even get angry at his more than usual visits to his office.

He though he saw Cecile on the way to his room, giving him an unreadable expression. He wasn’t quite sure it was her though, so he did nothing about it. It was strange, just a few days (or was it weeks?) ago he used to be an expert at reading people's motives. Now, it was getting harder to just understand people's expressions.

His books were missing, but it didn’t really matter. He had a few extra of them left at his apartment. And he already had all of the notes saved on his laptop. And for the missing stuff, Sera- oh... 

His hands were shaking again, he noticed, when he tried to draw his phone from his pocket. It just fell to the ground. John almost left it there, lying on pavement. It would have been so easy to just leave it there, to forget about it (just like his problems) and move on. He forced himself into action, trying to push away the haze surrounding him mind.

* * *

Blyke was sitting on the couch inside their shared apartment, he noticed. He gave John a strange look when he entered, watching him with uttermost caution. It was expected of him, really. After what he had done, it was obvious Blyke wouldn’t trust him. He was actually surprised that Blyke was ready to be in the same room as him. 

He emptied his half eaten lunch into the trashcan, noting that he had to empty its contents into the dumpster soon. Just another thing to add to his to do-list. 

He then went up to the fridge, took out a half cut lettuce and a bottle of salad dressing. He then walked to the sink, and poured some of the dressing on the lettuce, before taking a bite out it. He ate little more than half of the lettuce, before also disposing of it, he then washed his hands and the bottle of salad dressing.

He let it dry, silently standing there in front of the sink. When he turned, he noticed Blyke was giving him that strange and conflicted look again.

John diverted his gaze downwards, and silently went to his room, all the while feeling Blyke’s eyes on the back of his head. He missed being ignored.

* * *

He dreamt of lies, of deceit and false hood.

“You’re a **_Monster_** ”

* * *

It was as if the world was rushing forward while he was left behind. The days bleeding into each other. The only time it felt real was when he saw her. Her. Sera.

It was Tuesday. Lunch had just started when he saw it. A group of students surrounding her. He couldn’t stop himself, even if Sera hated him now. She had been his only friend, had never betrayed him. Always trusted him. ‘ _It was you who betrayed her…’_ the voice whispered into his ears. He charged in, and got knocked unconscious for his troubles. But even then, the last thing he saw before the darkness took him was her running away, not looking back. _She_ was fine, and that was all that mattered. 

The haze had lifted, if just for a moment, before the world went dark again. When he next woke up, it was with the Doc gently waking him up to drink his healing tonic.

The week was over in the blink of an eye. He spent the weekend in his room, only exiting for food or to use the bath room. He also started to see Blyke more often. It seemed like Blyke had finally stopped crashing in Isen’s room. _‘Whose fault was that?’_ it was always there, the voice. Questioning him, judging him.

* * *

It was a big show, him and Arlo going on for a long drawn out fight, with both combatants seemingly being somewhat equal in strength. He didn’t have to hold back too much, it was already hard paying attention to fight as it was. The haze was thicker than normal today.

It ended with him tripping, and Arlo capitalizing on his mistake. After that, he dragged away John’s unconscious body for healing, though John later learned that Arlo never removed his mask. It didn’t make sense, with the rumours of his identity already leaked into the school.

It didn’t matter though. The system was back. So was the student’s trust in Hierarchy. The reason Arlo lost the first the time was that he was also defending Remi, they said. Now that they had a true one-on-one fight, they real king won, they said.

He saw them cheering as he took hits, and booing whenever he hit Arlo. Their happiness at his faults, and their joy when he finally went down.

‘ ** _Monster_** ’

* * *

He was deposited to the hospital by Blyke. To decrease suspicion of him being the Joker, an Isen wearing the Joker’s mask was taken to the girl’s dorm for Elaine to ‘heal’ him in privacy. He didn’t know why they ever bothered with it.

There John was, lying in the hospital with multiple broken bones, waiting for Doc to come back from his break, when Sera confronted him.

**Author's Note:**

> unOrdinary is owned by uru.chan  
> Also the confrontation is inspired by Shatter by Ausp_ice


End file.
